17 Apr Home is Not Just A Physical Space: Discover the Home Within You
We’ve talked before about the importance of creating a safe, comfortable, relaxing space in your actual home, to provide refuge, release and a space to explore and meditate. However, it’s just as important to establish deep ties to the home within you, not just to your pile of bricks and wood. The concept of ‘home‘ typically reminds us of the concept of real estate and location, but what about your other home, the one without an address, which goes with you wherever you go? That home is you.
By now it has become an unwitting mishmash of clutter and collection of unresolved memories, fears, regrets, disappointments, and other people’s emotional baggage (feel free to insert family member’s names here.) Throw in some bad habits, old patterns, self-defeating behaviors, and you’ve unconsciously designed some ill fitted rooms.
In your mind’s eye, walk through your home of being and take an assessment. Just like your physical home, does it need to be spruced up with a proverbial fresh coat of paint or a complete remodel? If you are like most, it is probably the latter. We rarely make this assessment because it never seems convenient. We are so focused keeping up with the hectic lives we’ve created.
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We spend so much energy responding to everyone else’s vying attention we often neglect ourselves. Our go-to excuse is usually throwing our hands up into the air and casting off any perceived difficulty with ‘that’s life.’ A reframe is in order here. How about instead, ‘this is my life as I know it to be right now.’ What happens next is up to you. You can either choose to make a change or keep the ‘same old, same old’.
Every so often you get the sense it could be different, and it can be. You realize you might be living someone else’s life, or at the very least, you notice your interior does not translate to frequent joyful experiences and outcomes. You might not be able to readily admit or realize this just yet. Maybe you thought it would be too difficult to shift, or perhaps even too painful.
People make changes when they want to or have to. Remember, we want our life to be filled with creative choices, not reactive ones. When the pain of shifting is less than the pain of staying where you are, you’ll shift. There is no need to let it come to that because you are missing out on all the wonder experiences and opportunities awaiting you. ‘As is’ is no longer a viable option for you. The clock is ticking.
If you really want to create a powerful shift, elicit feedback from the people around you who know you best. They have front row seats in your life and have been aware of who you are for a long time. This type of focused 360 reviews is frequently done in the business world. Essentially, an executive is open to feedback–– how they are, interact, and respond to others and situations around them. Similarly, you could do the same. Ask people you trust, including your spouse, family member, friend, or co-worker for direct feedback. You are looking to discover your blind spots. Sometimes just a little awareness and attention will be the necessary catalyst to change.
Just like the apartment you had in your 20s no longer serves you, there are parts of you that need updating too, because let’s face it, you are not 20-something anymore. Our needs in our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond change as we age. How and where we live, relationships, our type of friends, financial needs, passions, and health are organic and ever changing. Noticing what is old and out of date is paramount to your happiness.
The key is to get down to your essentials. Determine what needs to be cleaned out or merely updated. Notice what the reoccurring drifts and blocks are that prevent your creation and experiencing of flow. Identify them, pinpoint the origins, notice repeating patterns, and then make concrete steps to shift.
After you remodel your ‘interior home’, you will feel lighter, refreshed, and have a new kick in your step. Joy emanates from the inside out. And when you are tuckered out at the end of the day from all the fun you are having, curl up in that comfy chair and gaze out the window with a smile…you are truly home.
This article was originally published in the Fall 2014 Issue of VETTA Magazine.