relationships

Giving And Receiving Are The Best Lines To Blur In A Relationship

There are many worthy places to apply the adage “To give is to receive”, but some of the most titillating and rewarding in your relationship are in the areas of love and sex. I’m not talking about being virtuous, although being virtuous often leads to feeling happy. I am talking about being so caught up in the moment that there is no line between who is taking and who is giving, getting and receiving because it all feels good. Let’s talk about feeling sexy, having sex and giving love.

 

FEELING SEXY

How do you feel sexy and who benefits when you are feeling sexy? We feel sexy when we decide that it’s okay to be… dirty, flirty, bad, good, powerful, vulnerable, real, playful, authentic, strong and softWhen we say “yes” to all the parts of ourselves. Who benefits when you’re feeling sexy? Everyone. You do because you feel alive and your partner benefits because your partner wants you. He or she wants to see you saying “yes” to yourself. It’s a huge turn on. Forget feeling self-conscious. A sexy body is not about cellulite or six-pack abs. A sexy body is about giving yourself permission to enjoy what you got. “Yes” is a sexy word.

HAVING SEX

Having sex is one of the few activities that you share primarily with your partner (if you are in a long-term monogamous relationship). It can create, cultivate and express love, lower stress and improve your overall sense of strength and well-being in your relationship. Here are 4 Steps to blurring the lines into a bigger better sexier love life.

1. TAKE

Take the initiative and instigate. Your partner wants to feel like you want him or her bad enough and that you want their sex bad enough that you are willing to take the first step. Let go of the judgment from anything and everything you’ve ever heard, learned or thought about Let yourself go and do some taking.

2. GIVE

You know what your partner wants and you intuitively also know it. Give it with love. Give it with joy, generosity and with care, like a beautifully wrapped gift that took thoughtful effort and time to choose.

3. GET

Receiving can be the most vulnerable thing in the world. Let yourself be hungry, excited and ready to receive. It can be a spiritual practice to fully open your heart (and everything else) to your partner, who, let’s face it – physically needs How much can you allow yourself to receive? See if you can keep expanding your ability to receive the good things in life and work on it together.

4. LET IT FLOW

In order to let go and blur the lines of giving and receiving, we need our sexual experiences to be fluid and fun. Repeat, combine and blend steps 1 through 3 the way you would paint a picture if the rules were only to express yourself and have fun, the brushes were your fingertips, the paint colors were many and the canvas was your love.

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GIVING LOVE

Giving love is both natural and learned. We love until we’re given a reason not to and, even then, we often find a way to keep on loving. If you are in a long-term relationship (with anyone, including yourself!), you are continually learning how to love despite any perceived reasons not to. As we love and forgive ourselves more, our capacity to love others (especially our partner) also grows. Give more love to yourself and you will naturally give more love to your partner.

You can practice loving yourself by saying “Yes” to yourself more often. In an interview, Dr. David Schnarch, author of the bestselling book Passionate Marriage, explains that “Marriage isn’t about giving yourself up or compromising yourself, because this generally kills sexual interest and desire… The key is holding onto yourself so you can have more of yourself and more with your partner. When you feel proud of yourself, it increases your sexual interest and your interest in your partner.”

As strong, smart and savvy lovers, we may be aware that it is not our partner’s job to fulfill us in every way, but do we understand and take the time to make sure that WE ARE feeling fulfilled? We need to. It’s important to love your life. Even 15 minutes a few times a week spent on pursuing your dreams and desires will make a significant difference in the way you feel about yourself. Get your passion going for yourself and your life and you will have MORE to give, have and share with your partner. Let your life be a turn on.

Here’s my advice, fellas: Freshen up, spot you mate and let your presence be known. Ladies: put down this article, put on some sexy music, let your hair down and let yourself dance sexy. Experience it… enjoy it and continue to give those great sensations to yourself and to your partner.

 

 

Rachel Madorsky, LCSW
rachel@rachelmadorsky.net

Rachel Madorsky, LCSW is a psychotherapist and relationship expert. With over 18 years of experience in the field, her love for her work and the Austin community keeps growing with each client she serves. Rachel’s therapy practice focuses on empowering individuals and couples to have more love, more joy and more peace in their relationships and in their lives.